WARNING: Strong language and violent thoughts follow. Read at your own risk...

Ok, back to unhappy stuff again. You know, I wish people would stop lying about me and mine. I am so tired of being the topic of gossip. A mutual friend of mine and Wendy's told me she's up to her shit again. Apparently she still believes Rob cheats on me and I tried to hit on her ex-boyfriend / asshole Paul.

First off, I've already gone over the Rob thing, but I'll restate it. Rob has told me he NEVER cheated on me. He has also said that any women he'd been seeing before we met he stopped seeing after we started to seriously date. Not sure exactly when that was, but Jeremy and I didn't actually break up for a while after Rob and I started dating either. So I can't begrudge him that. But I know he wasn't going out to bars and picking up chicks while we were a couple. Yes he went to the bar every once in a while, yes he went to strip clubs on occasion, and yes he looked at other women. But what red blooded American male doesn't? And admit it, which of us hasn't gone out, or looked at the opposite sex? I can't say that I haven't. I've even gone to dinner with male friends, which some people may construe as cheating. Rob always knew about it, though. And those males always knew about Rob long before we ever went out. As a matter of fact, all of them have met Rob.

Secondly, I have NEVER tried to hit on Paul. The only feelings I ever had for him were of friendship and maybe at one time of being like a big brother. But he turned out to be a lying asshole and that all changed. Besides. I vaguely remember Wendy telling me about the things I supposedly did to come on to him, and they either didn't happen or they were things she had done trying to come on to Rob. She claims that I wore silky underwear and a nightshirt one time and did something trying to get him interested. First off, I lived with mom and dad and there is no way I'd do that stuff in their house. Rob and I never even did anything more than kiss there... Okay, atleast until we were married and visiting. *blush* Anyhow. Second, I didn't own any silky underwear. I can only wear cotton because I'm allergic to most anything else, so that idea is completely blown out of the water. And, like I said before, I never once had a romantic inclination to him. Not even in my dreams or anything else did I ever have any feelings for him.

Anyhow. The mutual friend she told all this to got the impression that Rob was a real asshole and a jerk and was telling Wendy to call me up and tell me to leave him and go live with them. He lives in Arkansas, and used to live with Wendy. He and I only met a few months ago, but we've talked over ICQ and he's a really great guy. We have a lot in common and I feel like I've known him a while. I set him straight about Rob, as I'm sure you all would. So he knows the truth of her lies now, but it just pisses me off that she's at it again. That was part of the reason we got into such a big fight and I wanted her out of my life. I thought she realized Paul had lied to her and was a worthless sack of shit. I guess I was wrong. And its not like I can call her on it, because her phone is disconnected and she doesn't have a computer anymore to talk over ICQ or even email. What am I to do? How many other people out there think my husband is a dirt bag? How can they think I'm so weak and gullible to put up with half the shit she implies he's done? Am I that weak and gullible? Am I that stupid? I'm stupid alright. But not for those reasons. I'm stupid because I believe in the good of these people that keep hurting me and still talk to them. Still try to see the good in them and try to help them. I really am a pushover. I get myself into these situations and then dwell in them because I think I need to be punished for something, what I don't know. But its not healthy and I need to stand up and tell them to leave me the hell alone. Stop spreading the lies or get out of my life. I don't need this shit. I have enough problems without them starting more. Enough loves, I'm drained. I'm so pissed I could probably punch a hole in the wall if I tried, but I won't. I'll take a deep breath, go look at my loving husband and handsome son and remember that I truly am blessed.