You know, some days I really hate myself. Especially on those days where I get overly frustrated with Xavier. Earlier he was being a terror. I was trying to check something on the computer for Mom and he just would not leave me alone. He insisted on pulling out the keyboard tray, banging on the keys, playing with my mouse, pushing the keyboard tray back in... over and over again. I tried to tell him I'd be done in just a few minutes then I'd pay attention to only him, but he wasn't having it. So I tried getting a jar of babyfood and tried feeding him while I finished up. That worked all of maybe 3 minutes til he decided to climb up on my desk and stick his hand in the jar and smear it everywhere. *groan* At that point mom came in and tried to occupy him. Of course, he wasn't having it so he crawled towards the living room and stopped to tear some books from one of the bookshelves and started ripping pages. By that point I was fed up and yelled at him. I felt horrible as I was doing it, but it was that or snap. Maybe I just should have snapped. I'm warring with myself. Do I yell at him when he misbehaves and continually pull him out of stuff he shouldn't be in, hoping one day he'll listen? Do I stop doing things I enjoy unless he's asleep or otherwise occupied, like with his dad? Or do I spank him when he doesn't listen? But of course, to spank him means he cries even louder than he already would be for being told he wasn't allowed to do something. I swear I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm just getting too frustrated at him being a baby and need to stop, but I'm not sure how. I don't know where to start or what to do. Would someone please grant me the wisdom to know what I'm doing wrong here. How do I stop being so high strung? How do I just find happiness in Xavier just being a baby and doing the things babies do? I may never know, but for my sanity and his I hope I find a happy medium soon. YKWIM?